


A Study on Loneliness

by ShannynFaucheux



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: ?? - Freeform, Asexual Character, Asexuality, Birthday, Character Study, Developing Relationship, Emotional Study?, Experimental work, Extended Metaphors, Friendship, I've never had a hard time tagging my stories wow.., Irish Coffee, Kazamoto :(, Loneliness, M/M, Music, Perfume, Rabbits, References to Depression, Sayaka - Freeform, This is as much in character it's gonna get my friends, This really is just a study in loneliness, Very Shiki-centric, and lesbian bartenders I am I right ladies, that's always nice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-28
Updated: 2019-08-28
Packaged: 2020-09-28 17:15:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20429561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShannynFaucheux/pseuds/ShannynFaucheux
Summary: A study on loneliness that starts with the most basic kitchen equipment making sounds to reflect an unbearably quiet solitude.





	A Study on Loneliness

**Author's Note:**

> Since this is an experimental work; I didn't do much editing except correcting a few typos. Also, this is my first time writing in a tense that is not past tense; and on top of that, I am not a native speaker, so it's bound to have grammatical errors. I read somewhere that 'creative writing studios' chose this kind of writing in their courses?? idk I hope you still understand it and it is interesting to you. Don't hesitate to leave a comment if you have time.
> 
> There is some explanation at the end notes.  
A part of me reeealllly wants to orphan this work but-

A Study on Loneliness

_After work;_

The man’s silver ring clanks on the kitchen cabinet’s handle. The cabinet makes a short, screechy sound while he opens it to take out a coffee mug. There are nine mugs inside the cabinet, but the man takes the same one everyday; The one at the far left, parliament blue, with some white patterns on..

After he puts the mug onto the black granite, he looks at the digital table clock on top of the microwave. It’s one thirty one in midnight. He thinks he could watch a rebroadcast of a daytime drama, or a fun show like ‘_Takeshi’s castle’. That one, that one is good._

He extends a hand and turns the kettle on. The device makes bubbly sounds, he opens the second cabinet to take out the jar of coffee inside there, and that cabinet too, makes the same screechy sound. After taking the needed material, Shiki closes it and puts the jar next to the blue coffee mug. He pulls the first drawer right under his hand and takes out a spoon. He isn’t particularly harsh with the drawer, but all the silverware harmonises in a metallic sound and clanks to each other. Now with the spoon in his right hand, Shiki puts the corners of his both palms onto the cold granite and lowers his head a little. The muscles at the back of his shoulders are contracting. He sighs, it’s deep.

He then lets go of the spoon and turns the kettle off. He straightens up, his brows are furrowed as his feet drags him back until his spine hits to the refrigerator. He turns his head to his right and stares inside the wide living room. Tastefully designed, tidy and clean, except for the blanket on top of the couch. He sleeps there most of the time, as if he doesn’t have a california king sized bed right upstairs. He questions himself on the matter as the sound of his own breathing fills his ears and merges into the buzzing coming from the refrigerator.

He thinks about the article he once read about _the anechoic sound-proof room_, and a reporter that could only bear to stay there for forty five minutes. He thinks he could do better than the reporter. His one brow lifts up as he huffs a laugh to himself. Vaguely rubbing his right eye, he pulls himself together to turn the kettle on once more, and it is then his phone on top of the kitchen table vibrates to let him know of an incoming call. He forgets about the kettle and picks the phone up. It’s his _colleague_, Akabayashi Mizuki;

-‘’ Yes? ‘’ There are _plangent_ noises of a crowd coming from the other line. Akabayashi speaks louder to suppress the sound;  
-‘’ Konbanwa, Shiki-no-danna. I am at Satori-san’s bar, I was wondering if you’d join me to a few drinks..’’ Listening to him, Shiki vacantly stares at his half-empty cigarette carton. _‘Smoking kills‘, it says. _He then lifts his face up to the scenery of his living room and thinks _' Which one truly kills? '_ ;  
-‘’ Why today? ‘’ He can hear the rare confusion in his colleague’s voice as he replies;  
_ -‘’ Because it is the New Year’s Day? ‘’_

He knows Akabayashi can not see as he pulls the phone away from his ear and looks at the date. It really is. _That_, must be the reason why it took him forty-five minutes to drive back home tonight. He _carefully_ oversees the fact that he forgot about _a whole new year’s arrival_ and turns back to the phone; ‘’- Why not, I’ll be there in twenty minutes. ‘’

While he stares at the contents inside his wardrobe, he moves his neck side to side to relax the tense muscles there. The white suits are on the hangers at the left, the occasional black and parliament blue at the right. He lifts his head up and stares at the shelves. Taking his black shirt off, he wears a bluish-gray cashmere turtleneck sweater. He keeps the white pants on and pairs all with a nice watch. Now, ever since he started making _the money_, he’s been using the same perfume; _Memento Mori by Killian_; _Strong, irish coffee opening to dark sandalwood, an assured look given under pure black eyelashes.._

Today, instead, he takes out a sample the girl in the store gave him a week ago saying this felt like it would suit him better. It is _‘Apple Brandy’_. He opens the lid and smells it;

A forest with it’s scented woods after rain. Syrupy smell of a light alcoholic beverage drunk by the fireplace, and finally, vanilla.

Oh that’s childhood.

* * *

He knows it is not a good idea to take the car out, so he walks to Satori’s place. Clean pavements of Shinjuku are full of people, some going back home and for some; the night is just starting. A little girl in the crowd stares at him for some reason before she is dragged by her mother. Shiki takes a mental note to give his father a call; _Or _maybe it would be better if he called his mother. His father would _gladly_ return the call to tell how much of a disgrace his son is, as if this all didn’t start because of his gambling addiction. Still, Shiki Haruya is wearing a several thousand yen black coat, and a three hundred dollar perfume tonight. He knows how to be grateful, despite all.

Satori is a beautiful smart woman, with her long black hair always as free as her. She smiles and bows at Shiki, pointing the only empty seat next to Akabayashi. The bar is full to the brim and it doesn’t bother this man. Their conversations, he is sure, are _fuller_ than the sound of a damn refrigerator. His red-haired colleague also gives a bow of his head as a greeting. Shiki sits and just looks at Satori, he doesn't need many words when it comes to her;

‘’- Irish coffee, with cream and sugar as little as possible, right? ‘’ She asks. Shiki nods and gives her a sincere smile. _There is no need to be artificial around people like her_. Shiki’s eyes linger on her adept fingers preparing his drink before he lifts them up to the small TV with the reporter currently describing _‘the new year’s exciting spirit around Japan. ‘ _He then turns to Akabayashi and asks;

‘’- Where are the rest of the musketeers? ‘’ Huffing a laugh at the comparison, Akabayashi takes a sip from his whiskey and swirls a hand as in; _‘don’t even ask’_;

‘’ - Aozaki-san took Kazamoto-san to home. _The young man_ doesn’t know to drink to his mouth, unfortunately. ‘’

Kazamoto Takaaki is the youngest of the four executives. Shiki doesn’t pay much mind to the situation as he knows from the first hand, _it happens sometimes._ He thanks Satori when she puts the Irish coffee in front of him. After that, he listens to a group of university students in a nearby table discussing their upcoming trip to Taiwan. Maybe he should too, go somewhere; _The old man_ wouldn’t withold a short vacation from his executive who gains him _the world’s money_. At least that is what he thinks at the moment as he sips on his drink.

Just the right amount of cream and sugar, Satori knows her business..

After a while Akabayashi asks; ‘’- I heard you almost broke a chair on a chinpira today at the office.. ‘’ He watches as the lines on his co-worker’s face immediately sharpens and he sends a look sideways to his left. The silver ring on his index finger contrasts with the bar’s mahogany and dark red theme as he lifts his right hand up;

‘’- Please don’t even make me remember that. Where do you all find these incompetent children anyway? I am sure some of them are still sleeping in their mother’s warm arms.. ‘’ _As if he wouldn’t say yes to his own mother’s arms; In this age, even. Wait, how old is he again?_

‘’- Maybe you should find someone. ‘’ Akabayashi says, all of a sudden, changing the conversation’s direction and _intent, maybe_. Shiki sends him a cold look. There is a warm yellow light right on top of them, Akabayashi drags his whiskey under it and the light turns the drink’s colour of a peaceful sunset. With his arms crossed on the stand, he nears towards Shiki;

‘’- Just for today, let’s put this demeanor aside, what do you say, Shiki-no-danna?- ‘’ He adds, pointing an index finger to the TV; ‘’- I don’t have much left to swear on, but allow me to swear on the _‘exciting spirit of the New Years’_ that I will be honest tonight. ‘’

Shiki is a hard man to impress with attentively created _colours_. He asks immediately; ‘’- Why? ‘’

‘’- Because I know how loneliness wears one out, Shiki-san. Just like it does to your under-eyes-‘’ A knowing look is added to that index finger, and now they point at the tired, _but_ young man with under eyes just a tad shy from being comparable to a drug addict of some sorts.

The younger executive’s gaze stops at Satori and her girlfriend who has just started her shift. They’re both looking at him, and Shiki knows their eyes are never mistaken. That is why it is unnecassary to pull a stern look near them. His expression relaxes and he lets a breath out;

‘’- I have to admit that is a valid argument, Akabayashi-san. ‘’ He says as he lifts his cigarette package towards the girls in a silent permission to smoke. The girls smile at him and give a little bow before turning back to their works.

Sometimes, the cigarette he lights, he gives it a specific name; Tonight, he lights a cigarette in the name of honesty.

Seeing the look inside the other’s bright brown eyes, Akabayashi nods and gives a smile; ‘’- So.. Is this loneliness because you are afraid to be betrayed?‘’ He opens his palms before closing them flat on the stand; ‘’- I would understand, given our work around here. ‘’

The other’s reply comes fast, he has spent couple dozen sleepless nights on the matter before; ‘’- No. Just like I know my life will not end in a kind way, I know that I am bound to be betrayed, Akabayashi-san. Otherwise, I wouldn’t take the risk of being in _the organization_.. ‘’ He brings the coffee to his lips, then continues, swirling the cigarette around his three fingers;

‘’- I would want to love someone who is honest to themselves. This is the problem, Akabayashi-san; It would be highly hypocrite of me if I wanted them to be a good person. They can be the worst of humanity, really, but they have to be honest to who they are. Maybe unapologetic, when needed. ‘’

Akabayashi huffs a laugh and lowers his eyes behind the tinted glasses onto the whiskey in front of him; ‘’- Maybe you should go for that informant, if that's the case. ‘’

Shiki gives him a _‘don’t be absurd’ _look; Though the other executive is correct, Shiki _is_ working with Orihara Izaya because the man is truly a pillar of honesty when it comes to his philosophy concerning life. The lines near his eye crinkles as he brings his cigarette to his lips; ‘’- So, is it my turn now? ‘’

Akabayashi lowers his chin a little and opens his one hand to invite Shiki’s question;

_ -'’ Does your eye still hurt? ‘_’ Akabayashi is a smart man playing not dumb, _but chill_. He quickly grasps the real question hidden behind the other, and smiles;  
-‘’ You truly are a subtle man, Shiki-san-‘’ To comply his promise of honesty, Akabayashi takes out his glasses and looks at the other before answering;  
_ -‘’ Yes, it hurts with every second that I breathe. ‘’_

Shiki nods, briefly closing his eyes, and accepting the answer from the heart. After Akabayashi wears his glasses back on, Shiki lifts his drink’s glass towards him;

‘’- To honesty. ‘’

Akabayashi Mizuki replies back with his whiskey glass, and the two makes a very _full_ clanking sound; ‘’- To honesty, indeed. ‘’

* * *

It’s nine thirty and the outside is dark as Shiki examines the documents in a black-lined folder. It’s about a money-laundering business a side-clan of Awakusu is allegedly in. _Well_, it is no longer _alleged_, and some blood will be _spilled_. He lifts his head up from the papers and looks at the informant _Orihara Izaya_ talking to himself – _as Shiki hasn’t been listening_\- while staring at the insomniac lights of the city of Shinjuku;

‘’- ..That is why I went to his side and spent the day with him..’’ Shiki cleans his throat and rubs his thumb on his right eyebrow;

‘’- I am sorry who again? ‘’ The informant turns to him, there is a little grin on his face but he looks tired, therefore his grin lacks the needed unnerving;

‘’- The clown. ‘’ Shiki Haruya does _not_ need to hear the full story. He lets out a _‘ah yes’_ sound, and nods a little while putting the documents back together. It is then Orihara Izaya takes one step towards his desk and asks, his hands clasped behind his back;

_‘’- Are you an unhappy man, Shiki-san? ‘’ _Shiki stops and lifts his one brow up. He lowers the paper onto the desk flat and connects his hands together. However, he is never silent against daring questions;

‘’- I am one of those men who carefully refrains from talking about their unhappiness, Orihara-san. ‘’

On that, the young man in front of him nods as he pulls up the zipper of his black, fur-lined coat and gives him a thin smile;

‘’- I am feeling lonely tonight, Shiki-san. Would you accompany me to a dinner? ‘’ He says, and then turns towards the door; ‘’- I know you yakuza men gain your powers from your inherited tragedies, but it wouldn’t hurt to eat from time to time too, huh? I will be waiting downstairs. ‘’

Shiki turns his head to his left and lets a short laugh out, despite the clear inappropriateness of the joke. He knows he shouldn’t follow him downstairs, and a dinner? God forbid.

But then he sighs; _‘’- fuck it, I like him. ‘’_ He mumbles to himself and stands up to take his coat from the hanger.

* * *

There is the smell of oncoming rain on the pollution-fallen city as the informant drags them to a nice Italian resturant. He has to admit that’s, _tasteful_. During the dinner, Shiki _only_ takes the role of being _an accompany_; He carefully listens to the other’s ramblings, he has some good stories, they laugh a bit. Shiki enjoys satire and irony, and Orihara Izaya is full of that. It is after their dinner that a slow rain starts falling onto the pavements, colouring them a shade darker, and Shiki watches from the windowside table they’ve chosen. They stay for a dessert, even though neither of them enjoy sweet things; But they both are _deeply_ aware, that a good conversation is always appreciated on a rainy night.

Such conversation passes;

-‘’ I hate to see humans wasting their years pressuring themselves into things they are not. ‘’ Izaya says as he eats a _castagnole_, filled with nutella. There is a well prepared tiramisu in front of Shiki. He takes the fork next to the plate and asks;  
-‘’ Elaborate. ‘’  
-‘’ You are twenty-six years old, Shiki-san. ‘’ Then a silence falls in between them, only the sounds of the waiters running around in light steps and the somber rain can be heard as Shiki eats a good portion of his dessert, then wipes his mouth to a napkin and leans back in his chair.

He laughs. It’s not a forced one, not a gloomy one either; It’s the laugh you let out to a good joke. _‘ I can’t believe I forgot my own age for a second_ ‘ Shiki thinks, but only rubs his eyes instead. Izaya tosses one more castagnole into his mouth;

-‘’ My.. how long have you been burying things into your chest? You might want to work those muscles out if you’re thinking to continue like that. You rather have a narrow chest, y’know..’’  
-‘’ Don’t we all do? _Bury_, until a therapist needs hold from our hands just like the lady in the kindergarten does? ‘’ After that, Shiki blinks one eye to Izaya as in _‘ What about you? ‘_  
-‘’ I do have my ways of catharsis. ‘’  
-‘’ Like wreaking havoc around the city? Yeah, that’s nice. ‘’ Izaya lifts one brow up and opens his hands on the sides of the chair's arms; _‘ It works ‘_

That night, Shiki goes upstairs to his wide bedroom and sleeps there; He takes the blanket on top of the couch with him, though. Things are more balanced in small steps sometimes.

* * *

It’s a sunny day_, the painter_ must have gotten lucky while mixing his colours today; Orange, with a little yellow and soft red have fallen onto the balconies of both old and new apartment buildings. Shiki is walking to the Gallery when he passes a pet-shop.

_‘ Maybe you should buy a rabbit or something? _’ That, was Orihara Izaya’s advice to him in their _second_ dinner together. So he backsteps to the front of the shop. The young worker gives him a nervous look; That is what happens when you walk around in a white suit straight from the eighties in two-thousand-and-twenty’s Japan.

_You can very well walk around in pink hair and black paperclips as hairpins, though._

He closes his eyes and sighs a little while placing his hands to his hips, his jacket slightly moving; ‘’- Stop looking at me like that. Do you sell rabbits? ‘’

The worker bows hastily; ‘’- _Hai_, we have them inside, _o-kyaku-san._ ‘’

As the yakuza looking man pets a small white rabbit to see if _the rabbit _would like him –_yes_-, the worker is eyeing him cautiously. Shiki’s one finger travels on the rabbit’s head;

-‘’ If you continue looking at me like that, young man, I won’t hesitate to put _you_ into this cage instead of the rabbit-san ‘’ He jokingly says, and points an eye at the silver cage next to him; ‘’- You don’t need to worry about the rabbit’s future, I guarantee it’s brighter than yours. ‘’ The worker bows once more and apologises. Shiki takes the rabbit onto his right palm and turns to him;  
-‘’ So, explain how I properly take care of him. ‘’

* * *

Couple of hours later; he is at his office, and he is amused by the fact that the rabbit is so small that it fits into his suit’s front pocket. Aozaki and Akabayashi knocks on the door and walks in, there are some matters about a money-laundering business to be discussed. Kazamoto is late.

When he recognizes _it_, Aozaki lets a breath out and shakes his head; ‘’- I knew you were going to lose it too eventually, _dammit. _‘’ He turns to the drink bar at the corner of the room to pour himself some Japanese whiskey. Akabayashi however, grins and sits to the dark-plum leather seat in front of his desk;

-‘’ Is it for the dinner? ‘’ On that, Shiki’s brows furrow and he puts on a _very_ offended look. But he turns to the rabbit and pets it’s white fur;  
-‘’ You don’t listen to the red caveman, _Salvatore_. You are wanted, and I am so happy you are accompanying me here. You _are_ nibbling on my suit, but that’s okay I don’t like it anyway. ‘’ Aozaki turns to the seats with his whiskey on his right hand;  
-‘_’ You actually call it Salvatore?_ ‘’ Shiki shrugs a little and puts the rabbit onto his desk;  
-‘’ At least I don’t call _myself _Salvatore. ‘’ Akabayashi snorts a laugh on that;  
-‘’ Yeah big-balls-Salvatore, that’d suit you. ‘’ Shiki’s eyes narrow, and he clicks his tongue on the roof of his mouth;  
-‘’ Well, _we_ are very disgusted by you two now, Akabayashi-san. Thank you. ‘’ Aozaki gives him a _‘what have I done?‘_ look, Shiki drags his silver ring on the desk before he leans his back to his seat;

‘’- So, where is my man Kazamoto? ‘’

* * *

-‘’ I am having an existential crisis, Shiki-san. ‘’ Kazamoto explains on the phone after Shiki goes back home and calls him.  
-‘’ Understandable. Please take some time off, have a nice day. ‘’

Shiki ends the call, then looks at Salvatore currently eating a piece of lettuce;

‘’- Y’know.. you wouldn’t die on me or something, right? ‘’ He then sits to his favorite armchair _–yes, that is a thing-, _and studies the rabbit. After a while, he takes his phone out from his pocket and calls a number;

-‘’ Orihara Izaya, how can I be in service? ‘’  
-‘’ Would you like to meet Salvatore? ‘’ _Of course_, Orihara Izaya doesn’t ask who Salvatore is, because he is certain _Salvatore_ is some sort of a mafioso straight from Sicily; and he gladly accepts the invitation to Shiki’s house. Forty five minutes later, he is sitting at the chair of the dinner table and petting _‘Salvatore ‘._

He doesn’t lift his face up, but smiles as he says;

-‘’ You have just managed to weird out an eccentric man like myself, Shiki-san. _So Salvatore was your rabbit?_ ‘’  
-‘’ I am flattered. Yes, isn’t he so small? ‘’ He says and adds; ‘’- I can introduce you to _the real Salvatore_ if he comes back alive from the current gang war in his country. But for now, what would like to drink? ‘’  
-‘’ Beer, if possible. ‘’  
-‘’ Of course. ‘’

Izaya is staring at his bookshelf with the bottle of beer in his hand when he asks; _‘’- So, how is your sex life? ‘’_

Shiki _slowly_ lowers his own bottle down onto the dinner table; ‘’- I see you’re being very _subtle _today too, Orihara-san. ‘’ He makes an irony, Izaya chuckles at it and turns to look at him;

‘’- There is this curious thing; I’ve managed to gather information on Aozaki-san’s, even Akabayashi-san’s private nights at the.._streets of Kabukicho_; I don’t even want to talk about Kazamoto-san’s.. But when it comes to you, there is nothing. Nothing from the female side, _some gossip_ from the gay scene down in Shinjuku. But they _live_ to gossip, so..’’ He lifts his hands to his shoulders and shrugs.

When Shiki starts talking, Izaya’s bright orbs light up even brighter;

-‘’ Well.. I have to admit, except for those few times in my teenage years, I’ve never really been interested in sex- ‘’ He watches as Izaya’s mouth opens bigger and bigger with his every word; ‘’- And even in those few times.. it lacked a certain _want_ from my side, you see..’’ Izaya’s both brows lifts up as he tries very hard to re-compose his act. He looks like a computer that you try to restart after two years;  
-‘’ I.. uh.. really wasn’t expecting to get such an honest answer, Shiki-san. ‘’ The other shrugs and drinks from his beer;  
-‘’ I am an honest man, and it’s not like you can use my asexuality against me. _I am perfect for my job_-‘’ He narrows his eyes to an egoistic glare and smirks; ‘’- It is the other way around that is dangerous. I’ve heard about Kazamoto’s _incidents,_ the kid is having a rough time nowadays..’’

‘’-Huh..’’ Izaya lets a long breath out and finishes his beer. He hasn’t taken his jacket off, that’s how Shiki knows he’s not going to stay for a second beer;

-‘’ Well then, Shiki-san. What would you want for your twenty seventh birthday that is in a week? ‘’ He walks to the bookshelf once more; ‘’- Twenty seven… dangerous age. You know _the twenty seven club_; Kurt Cobain, Jim Morrison, Jimi Hendrix..-‘’ He counts the artists who have died twenty seven years old, then his silver ringed finger stops at a book; ‘’- Amy Winehouse. ‘’ The book is the biography of the British singer who’s voice has always affected Shiki deeply whenever Satori put one of her albums on at the bar.

Izaya adds before he leaves;

-‘’ I know someone who owns one of her signed recordings, I can buy it for you. ‘’ Shiki tilts his head, his own ring clinks on the glass bottle’s top;  
-‘’ I wouldn’t say no. ‘’ 

* * *

A week later, it is night, and Izaya is at his door with the smallest birthday cake one can imagine, and also the said recording of _Amy Winehouse’s_ _Back to Black_ album, signed and in perfect condition.

And in twenty five minutes, the recording is on a record player, but the birthday cake is untouched, with two glasses of wine all standing side to side. _Because;_

Because their silver rings clank onto each other as they dance to one of the songs in the album. Inside the wide living room, all smiling, things are heartfelt, and the sound of the refrigerator is supressed _just like he wanted all the time_. Shiki takes a breath in, and slowly nears his head towards the other’s ear;

-‘’ Do you remember the step you’ve taken in my office, before you asked me if I was an unhappy man, Orihara-san? ‘’ Izaya’s eyes are closed, he knows what will come next. He nods, and Shiki continues;

‘’- Would you like to take one more step in? ‘’

* * *

_Alternative Ending to the Scene;_

Orihara Izaya opens his eyes once the song ends. The rings are still touching each other, but the hands are low. He looks at the yakuza executive;

-‘’ You once told me you liked my company because I am, just like you, an honest man, Shiki-san. ‘’ Shiki gives a brief nod;  
-‘’ Yes. ‘’  
_ -‘’ We are honest to ourselves because we are not bound by anyone. ‘’ _He puts his one hand onto Shiki’s chest, this perfume, he isn’t sure what it is, but he likes it better on him; _‘’- When you tie yourself to someone, both parties are bound to make sacrifices, and that inevitably takes one’s honesty to themselves away.. Even if it’s in the name of love.‘’_

Shiki gives him that smile where when he does, lines near his eyes crinkles and his eyes look _bright_ in sincerity. He does not say anything and turns to take the two glasses of wine next to the record player. He extends one to Izaya.

_Clink._

**Author's Note:**

> Well I am glad you made it here :') here is a looong explanation;
> 
> This work starts with the most basic kitchen equipment making sounds to emphasize an unbearably ‘quiet’ loneliness. Then in the perfume scene, the perfume’s name is (it’s a great perfume btw don’t sue me Killan) ‘’ Memento Mori'' it means; remember that you are bound to die one day ‘’ That represents the world and the identity Shiki is in. But then, he smells the other perfume and that is childhood, because loneliness also calls for nostalgia.
> 
> The blanket on top of the couch; Is representing a slight.. depressive state of mind. After his dinner with Izaya, he goes to his bedroom to sleep instead of sleeping on the couch. Here, Izaya is his catharsis, release of emotions.
> 
> I always try to make my characters honest to themselves; Earlier, the crowd in the bar doesn’t bother Shiki, and he openly tells the reader, that their sounds are ‘fuller’ , more lively than the sound of the refrigerator in his house. Right?
> 
> The meaning of the question he asks to Akabayashi, if it wasn’t clear, let me openly tell it; Shiki asked if Akabayashi is still missing Sayaka.
> 
> Back to being honest; Izaya is a lonely man too, and he is honest to himself on the matter, that’s why he asks Shiki to accompany him. Simple as that.
> 
> Then their dinner scene; Because Shiki very well knows that they both understand ‘’how lonely it feels when you are by yourself in a slow rain by your window’’’ , he doesn’t try to hide the fact that yes, he does bury things in his chest, and yes; He is aware that mentality can very well *or has already started to* turn into a problem. Also, like I said, they are very honest to themselves. It helps both of them here basically.
> 
> The last scene *not the alternative, the alternative is completely up to interpretation*; ‘’ Sound of the refrigerator is suppressed ‘’ ( His loneliness is being cured ) Just like he always wanted ( With love ). He told Akabayashi he’d want to love ‘an honest person’, right?
> 
> Uh.. there is still things with Kazamoto’s seemingly funny situations but I don’t want to get into much detail on that. This really was just a simple study on loneliness in an early aging, but still young man’ s life.


End file.
